Friday, March 22, 2013
Problem
I got a message about my race that I was not really all white. It says French and Dutch. What is wrong with the Spanish? I mean, there is something wrong with someone of each race. That's not technically my race, but maybe you've seen my other blogs. I just didn't know what to say otherwise, my ideal race? Maybe, I should start a new blog? This one's doing good, just don't like the picture.>
What should I do?
I kinda don't feel like going to the mall nor to the movies, but I would see Oz, the Great and Powerful. My mom is gonna come get me. I'd have to take the bus, but I'm really, really tired. I have theater homework, I know Acting 1, just a Midterm journal however and supposedly redoing something I don't know about, also to memorize a rhyme for Tuesday for Voice for the Actor. However, Ginny might tell me to leave. I told the counselor I was going. I'm withdrawing from Weight Training, sometime, and I'm telling someone to take the hold off my record because I know it could happen. I bet Ginny knew this, and I bet she didn't decide herself.
Tweens
What do you think about tweens always saying oh you can't do this you can't do that? It's like they all want a 1950 father.
Bratty Children
What do you think of mature adults with unattractive children, like the old paintings and photos? Why do they all seem that way?
Problem
Why are people acting so tacky and like what they do doesn't matter? Stop telling me I do that.
Funny
So, you don't want me to have fun in Orlando. Too bad, people are beating me up, telling me I am nothing.
Issue
So, you think I came as a shitty brunette, some fantasy for nigger parents to get it over with, a sacrificial lamb?
Watcha think
of like Ginny m********** thinking of how cool her kids will be if they were born when she was 40?
How I'm Doing
My face feels so infested from skipping a shower 2 days in a row. I have 2 huge pimples on my nose. I wanted to use a pore strip, dreamed I did. I just washed my face, put moisturizer on it, pimple cream, and chapstick. So, I'm eating. I had 2 Hot Pockets, no sushi, and am making I think Angel Hair paasts
Problem
I'm annoyed, I'm not babyish in a bad way, but these greasy, square, kinda too thin men keep going around presenting Ginny as a tacky *** lover.
Dream
My favorite part was when I was dancing, just realized now I looked a bit like Ginny and how I looked when I was in her class, like I was in the mysterious Winter Park or Alatmonte Springs, like I was involved in something on TV, like "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," in a dark, secluded place with 2 rooms and a mirror. I had my bangs, my face kinda rounded, like I was a ghost, someone's mother, visiting from the grave. Like, the sides of my face were tucked in in a triangular shape outlining a dying heart. My bangs made me look a certain way, like my eyes were pursed or something. I was doing ballet moves, like a real ballerina, like dipping and sorta turning, and it was just a big deal, did it for maybe 15 seconds. There was this sorta milky, thin strain of background music playing, simple music, and I was singing in a low, dipping voice, "My .. heart .. wants to .. Beat .. " What happened before was I easily conjured up a tall thin girl wtih dark hair, milky arms, and Ginny was dancing with her, holding her from the back, in the other room. I seemed like Audrey Hepburn, an old ballerina from Florida who had dreams. I seemed just to be a moving thing with no voice. Previously back in my dreams, I thought I was gonna sign up to do gymnastics on a team every day for 2-3 hours. So, next, after awhile, I became small with just like black netting for clothes, like a leotard, you know like the idea of an animated bat ghost. I was waltzing around like a Disney Haunted Mansion with Ginny and it was like she was carrying me, I was short, like maybe around her shoulders or a little more, and I just imagined this person like shoving me around, carrying me through.. and then I guess the dream stopped and I was sad.
Things that happened otherwise, my mom went to supposedly this dirty place like a mental hospital and said hi to a lady with light brown hair and bangs pursed we passed up twice with 2 little dark, Chinese girls and some others, like maybe a man around 35-40, eating at a table with cushioned chares facing one another, benches. So, I went in a bed, wanted food, and was thinking why don't I think about if in class Ginny picked me up as an example! =D Then, she appeared and was acting like sorta a tacky Spanish lady and was holding me awhile and we went through to the other scene. For awhile, she was walking with me as tall as her, feels more like Ellen DeGeneres. I also dreamed something and then that she was hurt and her heart became small like mine in her body, ready to be torn out. So, what was I gonna say? I forget! I might think of it, later. Oh yes, she hugged me, I thought for some reason I think of now her private being like an urchin or something. She was like swaying me in the dancing scene, like I was shorter and smaller than her. Ah, yes, and I compared myself to the lanky girl, and we found my chest and torso actually were milky and sucked in, like a button. I just figured I was shorter. I probably had an inverted diamond want in my look. So, when I imagined being hugged, I didn't feel much, and it was like I was skinny and a big shorter but an adult and she was like more strong and successful and was worried, but you know really she was not too small but seemed small with me.
It's hard to remember the rest, now. :|
So, as the dream went on, I have dreams of me locked in as a mover with music coming on that I supposedly was singing. It's like I was dead and raised from the grave. It was some sad thing that never could be, and in my doing the right thing was being picked at.>
Things that happened otherwise, my mom went to supposedly this dirty place like a mental hospital and said hi to a lady with light brown hair and bangs pursed we passed up twice with 2 little dark, Chinese girls and some others, like maybe a man around 35-40, eating at a table with cushioned chares facing one another, benches. So, I went in a bed, wanted food, and was thinking why don't I think about if in class Ginny picked me up as an example! =D Then, she appeared and was acting like sorta a tacky Spanish lady and was holding me awhile and we went through to the other scene. For awhile, she was walking with me as tall as her, feels more like Ellen DeGeneres. I also dreamed something and then that she was hurt and her heart became small like mine in her body, ready to be torn out. So, what was I gonna say? I forget! I might think of it, later. Oh yes, she hugged me, I thought for some reason I think of now her private being like an urchin or something. She was like swaying me in the dancing scene, like I was shorter and smaller than her. Ah, yes, and I compared myself to the lanky girl, and we found my chest and torso actually were milky and sucked in, like a button. I just figured I was shorter. I probably had an inverted diamond want in my look. So, when I imagined being hugged, I didn't feel much, and it was like I was skinny and a big shorter but an adult and she was like more strong and successful and was worried, but you know really she was not too small but seemed small with me.
It's hard to remember the rest, now. :|
So, as the dream went on, I have dreams of me locked in as a mover with music coming on that I supposedly was singing. It's like I was dead and raised from the grave. It was some sad thing that never could be, and in my doing the right thing was being picked at.>
Bed
Must lie down, hope I make it to the bathroom.. On my walk, well.. got tired and lay down, feel emtpy like a GUMMI GUMMI GUMMI GUMMI GUMMI BEAR. Please don't tell me, ooh, I've felt like a gummi bear, I just didn't feel like talking about it. Or maybe I don't have any problems and don't need to tell you.
Facebook Conversations
- Bailey Romano Oh, I enjoy it for the content too. I think it's a great modern portrayal of classic stories, but he is pretty too.
- Christina Barrett Too bad we don't know, like, maybe the girls with dark hair have dark hair because they're Italian or part something.
Problem
I just got a weird message.. hm, must be someone's fault.
DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THE MESSAGE IS?
DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THE MESSAGE IS?
Problem
I sense a sequence of attacks hovering in the air by Ellen DeGeneres to my teacher Ginny, just because she's copying Tim Burton's p****. I mean, she is convinced I am a bad person, gives in to racism, pretty much stuck in a rut, I guess. Anyway, I'm mad at anyone like that. Everyone gets mad at me in some way, but the only person who seems human that I can think of who I know of who seems like a success story like in the arts like I've been told and felt in private is Renée Fleming. Why in private do I always feel Ellen DeGeneres bitching because she has a mother fucking TV show? She is flipping ideas of like if you think of 1 thing or any thing. She is negative. She promised to be good but is mean to me in private. I hear clicks and every time I load the page I think she said something. Can someone stop it? I already asked. When I see her on TV, I am convinced she does this. Please have her stop telling everyone to die because they didn't watch her show. She doesn't seem to know TV too well, herself.. so I won't believe it. I didn't appreciate being insulted for saying something @ Renée Fleming. What? It sounds too complicated, and you think it was used against her? No, it was just because I said it. She has a thing for me like Tim Burton. Tim Burton said I was perfect except not all white. It's because I am never mean. You all are like making me feel guilty for wanting to feel good and for my celestial accomplishments, in the classic arts and complex ways of feeling. You just tell me you're not interested because my mom is Chinese and my dad isn't.. Also, why do people in Louisiana act racist against people who think about being cool rather than racist and cool? Why are they like on top sometimes? You don't even know my race unless I tell you. You think you know in some way. Stop acting gay around me, I can be somebody and still be attractive. }:|
Got Back
So, I threw away all the garbage and recycled all my drink bottles - still have some caps. I have to like put away some things, more laundry. What else? Neaten up some things.. See if I can rearrange some things. This is really stupid. I'm taking more medicine, need to vaccuum.
So, I stopped. I saw something on the floor, small, oval-ish, reddish brown. I saw it crumble. I left the house, and my dad flipped me off in his tone but acted like he didn't and I kinda left in a mean way but not like loud. I just felt bad and it happened. I didn't say yes I want to talk to you. I was just mad knew that I wasn't safe.
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